I don't need to mention how long it's been since I posted or how badly I feel about that—I'm sure those things are obvious. I've had lots of ideas for posts and zero time to write them out: we were in England for a week, visiting family; two days after we returned, we hosted family for a week. And then we had a couple major-minor (I can't tell the difference these days) crises regarding details for our relocation—our daycare provider canceled on us less than a month before the boys were supposed to begin, and then we realized less than three weeks before the move that we hadn't booked movers!). It is no exaggeration to say that every single free moment I've had has been spent attending to these and other details, if not folding laundry or sorting through all our possessions, and sometimes even showering.
I suppose the good news is that time must go on, and at some point this difficult and overwhelming period will be over (if only to leave us at the doorstep of another difficult and overwhelming period of repatriation and settling in).
In lieu of a comprehensive post about something in particular, this one is just a short check-in to say hello and I miss you! and share a few things I'm thinking about.
I just read this piece about kids and dirt and felt totally vindicated. We are absolutely not a sterile household and don't worry all that much about dirt and germs, and now science, and a new book, backs us up. I was on a ferry in the Stockholm archipelago with the kids a couple years ago, when Leif was still crawling, and an older couple watched me follow Leif around the boat for a few minutes and then looked at me and said, approvingly, "He's going to have a strong immune system!" They were right, though I can't say for sure whether it's because he may have licked the table legs... 😉
I've fallen in love with lavender lately. The plant itself and the scent. I have this luxurious L'Occitane Hand Cream, which I find heavenly and indulgent. When we were in England, I spent an evening photographing all the lavender plants around my in-laws' garden, an outing that was also heavenly and indulgent. I read a beautiful essay years ago about a man searching for the exact lavender scent his father used to wear, and that essay left me intrigued by lavender, where previously I'd dismissed it as too feminine. The scent of that hand cream is perfect, almost masculine and musky.
We've had a great time in Sweden and we are sad to leave, even though we are excited to be moving to the Pacific Northwest. It's a stressful and sad time right now, dealing with both the logistics of the move and the mixed feelings of leaving such a beautiful home and city. A friend here in Sweden was consoling me earlier this evening, reminding me that we'll meet interesting people and do exciting things in our new home, and she's right (thanks Lotta!). But in that very moment, I realized that true friends aren't replaceable. That's what's so great about friends, that your particular connection with any one person is so unique, and that each relationship speaks to and brings out different aspects of self, that you can never quite replace a friend who isn't there anymore. There's no doubt I'll make new friends, and there's no doubt that I'll miss tremendously the ones we're leaving in Stockholm.
I found the response to my previous post so engaging and thoughtful. I got several responses on my personal Facebook page (did you know you can follow Dear Sabrina on FB?) as well as in my inbox. There are so many stories and so many perspectives, and I hope to start sharing them here on Dear Sabrina once we get settled into our new home (so sometime around 2018, right?). If you have a story about in/fertility, miscarriage, birth, post-partum depression, or even the decision NOT to have children that you'd like to share, please do!
What have you been thinking about lately? I don't know when I'll get a chance to post again, so I'd love to hear what YOU are thinking about these days!
All photos by me.