We celebrated Leif’s second birthday last week with a lovely, intimate party. One set of friends and the neighbors came, as well as one of the kids’ former caregivers from dagis. We ate dinner together, then Leif opened a couple presents and the kids played while the adults talked. We sang happy birthday in English and Swedish before eating Leif’s tractor-shaped ice cream cake (made my our wonderful neighbor Agneta). The kids (four in total) had fun playing together and the adults enjoyed chatting.
This is more or less how all of our birthday celebrations for our kids have gone–a couple friends casually gathered at our house for food, cake, and fun. No theme, no rented location, no entire school relocated to our living room. Since we moved here, our neighbor has generously volunteered to make each birthday cake following their family tradition–an ice cream cake in the shape of the birthday boy’s choosing. At least in these early years, I’m not one for big bashes that require weeks (or months) of planning, coordinating decorations with cakes with goodie bags, herding twenty-something kids from activity to table to activity. I delight simply in spending time with the people who make up my sons’ community.
I know some families–moms especially–thrive on holding big parties where everything is coordinated, from cake to decor to goodie bags to activities. Some people love choosing a theme and inviting the whole class and receiving piles of birthday presents. Some folks thrive on coordinating the great event of a birthday party. To those families (and moms)–hooray! But that’s just not how we enjoy celebrating birthdays in our home. I suspect as the kids get older and attend more parties, they might begin to make more elaborate requests, but we’ll handle that if and when it comes up.
For now, we’ll stick with our simple celebrations. My feeling is that when a birthday party becomes an event, the birthday becomes more about all that stuff – the gifts, the decorations, the fancy cake – and less about the people and relationships that surround the birthday boy or girl. We want to teach our children–and remind ourselves–that the joy in life is in relationships and community. (For a thoughtful post on this, please read this).
Now, all that said, I’ll admit that we’d love to discover some *simple* traditions that we can weave into birthdays to make them even more special. I’m not quite sure what I even have in mind, though certainly nothing fancy or elaborate. We didn’t have anything like that growing up (just the basic cake, ice cream, and presents while gathered with family).
Do you have any family traditions that have made birthdays extra special for you? What do you remember most about your childhood birthdays? I would LOVE to hear what you did growing up, or what you do with your family now, to make the birthday boy/girl feel extra special.
Photos by me and James.
Dava says
I really don’t enjoy hosting at all (although I have a glimmer of hope that just maybe when we own a home with space to host I might find elements of hosting to enjoy). I also have a lot of social anxiety so any gathering with more than four or so people makes me uneasy, and I spend the entire time huddled in the kitchen doing busywork and stressing about everything being wrong. I’m also a terrible housekeeper, and I usually end up in tears before we have people over because it’s not as neat as I’d like. That said, we’ve historically had small parties with our three closest friend/families, I make a cake and we order pizza and buy wine or champagne, Kristin puts up a few decorations (bought on Amazon) and we call it a day. It’s my understanding (from my mom group) that things get FAR more complex as kids get older and want to invite THEIR friends (which is understandable) and I do believe that it’s their birthday so they should choose (although the parents absolutely get to decide whether they’re willing to shell out tons of money for a fancy party). Growing up we had parties I remember well, often at home with simple party games organized by my mom and goodie bags full of silly junk that I LOVED going to KD Sales to shop for (remember that place down on Burdick?). I love the idea of doing more of that as they get older, and I also have to say that I love it when parents do get into elaborate party themes. We have two different friends back in New York who always work together to put on super elaborate parties for their kids (the moms are best friends) and those parties are amazing to attend. While it may not be my thing to put together, I really do love experiencing it when someone else takes pride in it. These are moms who absolutely LOVE doing it, so more power to them. Here’s a fun example of one of them: http://ryndersny.blogspot.com/2015/06/pop-by-for-ellies-second-birthday-party.html
Jodi says
Dava,
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I think it’s so cool that your friends really do enjoy doing elaborate themes, and I bet it would be a lot of fun to attend one. I wanted to be sure in my post not to shame or put down people who really enjoy that stuff, although I certainly am not one of them. Of course I remember KD Sales – what a crazy place that was! I think I also have a hazy memory of attending a birthday party at your house once and having a great time. =)
I’m aware that my minimalist approach might have to change a bit as the kids get older, and I’m hoping that my own expectations of the party grow apace with theirs.
Kristen Keeler says
I love to entertain and most of our gatherings are casual in nature but when it comes to birthdays I let my kids take the lead. The first couple of years they didn’t have much input but as they get older they are starting to make requests and we’ve honored them. Our family values experiences over stuff so the birthday party has become our gift to them. To reduce gifts we often ask guests to donate to a cause or simply tell them no gifts please. On their actual birthday we let them choose their meals which traditional starts with chocolate chip pancakes and a candle of course. This is usually followd by the annual measurement in the garage. They enjoy seeing how much they’ve grown over the years!
Jodi says
Thanks so much for your comment, Kristen. I like the idea of the party itself being a gift, which probably means that you make sure the party is extra special. Do you have family living nearby who can join the celebration? Do the kids invite friends? I like the annual measurement — it is so cool to see how much they’ve grown. August gets so excited that he ends up asking to be measured every few months, so it isn’t so dramatic from measurement to measurement.
Have you had any requests from the kids that you weren’t thrilled with, but honored anyway?
Kristen says
My parents live near by and my MIL usually plans her visits around the kids birthdays. For the most part we let our kids choose the guest list which started small and has grown as they’ve made more friends. The number of kids attending influences what we can and can’t accommodate so there is often an element of compromise when planning. So far their requests have been pretty simple though such as a theme or a special activity. One year my oldest wanted to invite her whole class because she wanted to include everyone unfortunately cost and space were an issue so we had to decline but I loved where her heart was.
KP says
I always want big parties for MY birthday, but I am learning that as an adult, you are not supposed to throw yourself a birthday party every year. sigh. I love the cake, I love playing games, I love having people over, and I love the attention! For some reason I feel really special on my birthday – or at least I feel like I have the permission to ask for the attention that I actually want every day, all the time. 🙂 This year I’m doing a party but not telling anyone it’s for my birthday. 🙂 On birthdays, I like to ask people their top 5 highlights of the last year and what they are looking forward to in the next. I love to remember the last year and express gratitude for it.
Jodi says
Ha! I love this! I love that you so unabashedly love celebrating your birthday, and that you do it by surrounding yourself with loved ones. I think one point that I didn’t highlight very well in my post is kids’ birthdays can feel like elaborate, stressful events at which parents (especially mother) can compete with each other about doing it better. It’s not so much the size of the party (big parties can be so fun!), as the perfection-seeking detail, that seems antithetical to me.
It’s great that you look back on the previous year and express gratitude; having been so strongly influenced by you, I love that doing that too at milestones–and I’m always saddened to find that so many people are either unwilling to go along with it or they just don’t enjoy it! I see eyerolls and sighs so often when I try to bring something like this up–I guess I should just celebrate more events with you. =)
KP says
Yeah- I get eyerolls sometimes too – but oftentimes the person complies and seems to enjoy it…..People!!